Tag Archives: To the Wonder

10 Worst Films of 2012

Yep, it’s that time of the year again — the time to name my worst movies from…last year. I suck, I know, but it still has to be done. I have on record 109 films from the year 2012 (ie, with an official release date of 2012, not necessarily watched in 2012) which I’ve reviewed on this blog, and I have sifted through all of them to present you with a list of the worst of the worst.

As it turned out, the “worst of” list was much easier to compile than my “best of” list this year, a reflection of the overall quality of films from 2012. Either that or I just watch a lot of crap movies. Either way, here they are…

(click on the movie title for the full review)

In reverse order:

10. Mirror Mirror (2012)

Someone get me a pair of tweezers
Someone get me a pair of tweezers

There were two Snow White films last year, and neither of them were very good. But for all its faults, Snow White and the Huntsman was at least watchable. Mirror Mirror, on the other hand, starring Lily Collins’ eyebrows and the ghost of Julia Roberts, was atrociously bad. Though it wasn’t badly made, the end product was lame, unfunny, uninspired and lacking in any genuine warmth or excitement. It was a snoozer of the worst kind.

9. Rites of Passage (2012)

Christian Slater speaks to a sock puppet
Christian Slater speaks to a sock puppet

The proof that success in Hollywood is fickle. Christian Slater, Stephen Dorff and Wes Bentley star in this straight-to-DVD laugher about serial killers, hillbillies and talking monkey sock puppets. Imagine a slasher film with all the worst cliches imaginable, including the stupid and unlikable characters. This was worse.

8. To the Wonder (2012)

Imagine this for two hours
Imagine nothing but this for two hours

A controversial choice, perhaps, considering it was written and directed by the worshipped Terrence Malick. But To the Wonder, for me, was the kind of pretentious tripe that would be absolutely ridiculed if it were the product of a lesser known director. Even in this case there were many critics who loathed this arty farty film full of dancing and prancing through the meadows, cornfields and streets with 50 rapid takes of the same scene. Sure, it’s pretty to look at, if you like that kind of stuff, but as a film experience this was a waste of time.

7. The Apparition (2012)

Grab higher or lower?
Grab higher or lower?

This star vehicle for Twilight‘s Ashley Greene had somewhat of an intriguing premise that lasted about two minutes. From then on it was the usual crap you would expect from a generic haunting movie that steals — very poorly, might I add — from horror films you’ve seen over the years, topped off with one heck of a silly, predictable ending.

6. What to Expect When You’re Expecting (2012)

This pic says it all
This pic says it all

I’m actually surprised that this film was not higher on the list. Movies based on bestselling self-help books are made to land on my “worst of” lists, and this one is no different. Star-studded ensemble cast having way too much fun amongst themselves to the boredom and disgust of everyone else. It’s saccharine, manipulative and just plain bad.

5. Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)

Like we haven't seen this before
Like we haven’t seen this before

Paranormal Activity films are a sure thing to land on my “worst of” list every year, and this year is no different. The fourth film in the franchise is more of the same old — filler filler filler, lame scare, filler filler filler, lame ending, all captured on ubiquitous HD cameras. At what point will audiences wake up and realise they’re all the same crap?

4. Red Dawn (2012)

Hey Chris, did you see Kim Jong-un?
Hey Chris, did you see Kim Jong-un?

A teen action flick in the vein of Tomorrow, When the War Began, except the concept simply does not work in a modern setting. Even with Chris Hemsworth and Josh Hutcherson carrying the star power this was a film destined to fail from the beginning. I tried, but I just couldn’t get over the fact that absolutely nothing made any sense. The plethora of holes in the plot and the complete lack of logic and common sense made this one of the most unwatchable movies of the year.

3. Piranha 3DD (2012)

I was as appalled as this guy
I was as appalled as this guy

At least this film knew it was going to be bad. Intended to be a so-based-it’s-good guilty pleasure full of crazy violence, gore and gratuitous nudity, Piranha 3DD could be enjoyed by adolescents who “woo” and “ahh” at every severed penis and spray their shorts at the first hint of a sideboob shot. For everyone else, well…watch at your own peril.

2. Smiley (2012)

Smiley is as bad as this scene looks
Smiley is as bad as this scene looks

It’s probably a little unfair that Smiley ranks so high on this list because the budget and expectations were so low. It’s a good example of viral online marketing (that’s how I came across it in the first place) and an even better example of a horrible movie. Nothing about this film could come close to being categorised as even average. From the limp plot to the sad acting to the tsunami of slasher cliches, Smiley is about as appalling a film as you can see (or for your sake, not see). And yet, there is one film in 2012 that tops it.

1. Project X (2012)

project X
Yep, Project X is the worst

In this list I have covered poorly conceived ideas, poorly made films, pretentious films, and films that never had much of a chance of being any good. Project X is worse than all of them and receives the dubious honour of being the worst film of 2012. It’s a reflection of everything that’s wrong with the western world, but rather than sending a warning about it, Project X celebrates it with a debaucherous party that is supposed to be humorous. Instead, it’s the most unfunny and unattractive film of the year, and the vinegar-laced mean spirit that runs through it also makes it by far the most loathsome.

Dishonourable mentions: About Cherry, Cosmopolis, Fire with Fire, That’s My Boy, Alex Cross, Resident Evil: Retribution

PS: Up next, my top 10 films of 2012!

2012 Movie Blitz: Part 14

Movies reviewed: Cloud Atlas, About Cherry, Dredd, To the Wonder

This is probably going to be my last 2012 movie blitz (at least for now) because I’ve promised to do my best and worst of 2012 before the end of this year and the days are running out! I believe I only have about 4 movies left to watch (I’ve discarded the rest), but since none of them will likely make either list I’m just going to leave them for later.

If this is indeed the last one then I’m going out on a high as this blitz is a great one, packed with some high-profile flicks from 2012.

Cloud Atlas (2012)

CloudAtlas-Poster

Cloud Atlas was one of my most anticipated movies of 2012, but for some reason the film either (1) never made it to Taiwanese cinemas; or (2) was only showing for such a short time that I missed it completely. I’m not sure what happened because it had been slated to be Oscar bait and one of the biggest blockbusters of the year, but perhaps it was the furore over the Asian-izing of white actors that sunk the film even before it made its way to Asian shores.

I finally got around to watching it the other day, and my reaction to it is mixed. I can see why it was so polarizing – there are elements about it which are amazing, but on the other hand it felt like an ambitious film like this was doomed to failure from the start. Success or failure, Cloud Atlas is without a doubt one of the most ambitious films ever made, and kudos must go to the Wachowskis (for those who don’t know, they are no longer the Wachowski “brothers” because one of them is now a “sister”) for even attempting a film of this size and complexity.

Spanning nearly 3 hours, Cloud Atlas is an epic set across six time periods, from the mid-1800s to the 24th century. Each period is played by more or less the same set of actors playing different characters, and that is where the ridiculed makeup and special effects come in (I’ll get to that in a sec). The reason why they got the same actors to play characters in different time periods is because they are supposed to be reincarnates from different lives, and the film is pretty much an exploration of the idea that people go through life after life, that they are bound to certain people in each life, and that actions in one life can affect or shape lives in the future.

The narrative jumps around between the six time periods, which can be confusing and daunting for some, but for the most part the Wachowskis do a stellar job of keeping the story flowing and bringing its core concepts to the forefront. That said, with so many interlocking stories and characters, it is difficult to afford all of them enough time to develop, and as a result I found parts of the film unsatisfying and lacking in emotional depth. There is a payoff at the end, but it took a very long time to get there.

The all-star cast is blameless in all of this. Really, how can you complain about the likes of Tom Hanks, HalleBerry, Jim Broadbent, Hugo Weaving, Jim Sturgess, Ben Whishaw, Susan Sarandon and Hugh Grant? Each of them play a wide range of characters from good to evil, and they each do it convincingly, as far as performances are concerned. What didn’t work so well was the makeup and effects needed to transform those actors from one race to another. This was something that didn’t pose a problem in the novel, and it’s hard to fault the Wachowskis for trying to overcome the issue by, for example, turning Jim Sturgess and Hugo Weaving into slanty-eyed Asians, and HalleBerry and Korean actress Doona Bae into white women. As good as makeup is these days, the results were laughable in many of the cases, especially for Sturgess and Weaving, who look like absolute freaks and more Alien than Asian.

But is that reason enough to bash the whole film? I don’t think so. They did the best they could under the circumstances, but for many people it will mean putting aside the absurdity of the characters’ appearances to enjoy the movie.

Like it or hate it, Cloud Atlas is a memorable film. Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s the masterpiece it set out to be, though it is certainly not the spectacular turd that some critics and audiences have labelled it. If you can ignore the freaky faces and immerse yourself into the story, Cloud Atlas could be one of the most enjoyable experiences of the year, complete with well-executed action and eye-popping special effects. I’ve heard on numerous occasions that it is a film that requires multiple viewings to fully appreciate, so on my first (and possibly last) viewing I’ll give it…

3.5 stars out of 5

About Cherry (2012)

cherry

The film is called About Cherry, but it’s really not about much at all. Technically, it’s about a naïve and pretty girl (Cherry — -played by Ashley Hinshaw, who had a small part in the underrated Chronicle) who sinks into the world of pornography, but in reality it’s just about a girl who decided to get into porn for a quick buck.

I thought it would a good, or at least interesting, film because it was backed by a strong cast of supporting stars headed by James Franco, Dev Patel, Heather Graham and Lili Taylor. I’m not sure why they were drawn to this project, the directorial debut of American author, journalist and activist Stephen Elliott, but I doubt this will end up being a film placed high on their respective CVs.

The biggest problem with About Cherry is the titular character, who is played well by Hinshaw but offers no real redeeming qualities or genuine personality. She’s just a girl who wanted to make money, and saw porn as an easy route (no pun intended). There’s no manipulation, no exploitation, no coercion or persuasion – it’s just a consenting adult wanting to make money. And that doesn’t make for very compelling viewing.

Sure, her career creates some friction in her life – with her best friend (Patel) who is painfully and obviously in love with her, a fact she has no trouble using and abusing to her advantage; with her boyfriend (Franco), a druggie lawyer; and her mother (Taylor), a deadbeat alcoholic – but honestly, it’s not that bad.

We don’t really gain an insight into why Cherry went down this path or why it escalated from solo pics to real sex, apart from the suggestion that her mother is a loser and she wants to get away from her. And besides, all these relationships are not resolved properly, with the James Franco arc being particularly bizarre, almost as though he decided to quit the film midway through the shoot and they had to come up with a rushed solution.

The film is made slightly more interesting by the presence of Graham, who plays a porno director who becomes infatuated with Cherry to the detriment of her long-term relationship. But the way this part of the story is wrapped up is stupid and could be perceived as an insulting message about the nature of human sexuality.

In the end, apart from the soft core porn scenes there just isn’t a lot to like about the movie. It’s not poorly made, and the performances are decent, but it’s hard to a connect with a film on an emotional level when the characters feel so remote and uninteresting. Maybe I missed the point of About Cherry completely. Frankly, I don’t care.

1.5 stars out of 5

Dredd (2012)

dredd

It’s unfortunate that the comic strip hero Judge Dredd almost always conjures up the image of Sly Stallone mumbling about something incoherent, with Sandra Bullock beside him wondering what the hell she’s doing. This “remake”, just Dredd, probably won’t erase the memory of the 1995 disaster, but it’s nonetheless a much much better film that’s surprisingly effective and exciting.

For starters, Dredd knows exactly the type of action film it wanted to be – brutal, violent, unflinching, dark, gritty and littered with hints of political messages. This time Karl Urban (who never shows his face) plays Dredd, a Judge who plays judge, jury and executioner in a dystopic future world. Most of the action takes place in a massive slum building block controlled by drug lord Ma-Ma, played awesomely by Lena Heady (from 300 and Game of Thrones). Dredd and a new recruit with psychic powers (Olivia Thilrby) are sent to investigate the building after a brutal execution-style killing, and find themselves trapped against a whole army of criminals.

It’s a fairly simple Die Hard premise, though the look and feel of the film is closer to a futuristic version of the 2011 Indonesia masterpiece The Raid: Redemption – and it would be unfair to suggest Dredd is anywhere near as good as either film. But for the most part, Dredd is effective and should appeal to fans of the source material.

While the plot leans close to predictable, the action is explosive and thrilling, the special effects are sharp and the dialogue is darkly humorous. Plus Karl Urban and Lena Heady are just so good. It’s not quite enough to elevate Dredd above the rest of 2012’s top action flicks, but it’s not far too from the apex of the pack.

3.75 stars out of 5

To the Wonder (2012)

TotheWonder

The title of Terrence Malick’s latest romantic drama, To the Wonder, is very apt, as I am still wondering what the hell I watched. I’ve given Malick a lot of tries through the years, starting with The Thin Red Line, The New World and Tree of Life, and I’ve come away disappointed every time despite all the praises and accolades.

Like those films, my guess is that To the Wonder will polarise audiences, with some critics loving it (as evidenced by its Golden Lion nomination at the 2012 Venice Film Festival) and the majority of audiences hating it. I am siding with the latter.

The premise of the film seems harmless enough – a Ukrainian woman played by Olga Kurylenko moves to the US after meeting Ben Affleck’s character in Paris. She feels isolated and she returns to France – during which time Affleck dates Rachel McAdams – and then returns to try and rekindle the relationship.

But in typical Malick fashion, To the Wonder is all about the arty farty, the beautiful imagery, the barely decipherable whispering monologues (luckily this time there’s no Nick Nolte) and people dancing and prancing around in the meadows, staring out the windows, running around and flailing their arms about like lunatics.

All of this is done in rapid cuts (in one instance you get what feels like 100 snippets of two people frollicking through a cornfield) and minimal, almost inhuman dialogue, which makes it an unusual viewing experience but also a very annoying one. In short, To the Wonder is REALLY self-indulgent.

Maybe some viewers can appreciate the beauty of it all and understand what Malick is trying to do with this movie, but I found it emotionally unsatisfying and bordering on laughable. I thought I would love a film where Ben Affleck says almost nothing and where Olga Kurylenko and Rachel McAdams are the lead actresses, but for most of the painfully long 113-minute running time I was either confused or irritated by it. Javier Bardem playing a priest who questions his faith was pretty funny though, albeit unintentionally.

Bad films that are supposed to be bad I can take, but pretentious films like To the Wonder really get to me. Or maybe we’ve all been fooled and it’s supposed to be a parody, though that doesn’t make the movie any better.

1 star out of 5