Knowing that it will probably be shit has never stopped me from watching a movie. And so I watched Sex Tape, the new “sex comedy” (I didn’t even know this sub-genre existed) starring Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel, and was justifiably rewarded with a shitty experience.
The premise, as those who have seen the trailer will know, is about a couple who make sex tape to spice up the bedroom but then unwittingly uploads it to “the cloud”, or in other words, every iPad they have ever given away as a gift.
I admit I did enjoy the set up of how a couple goes from having copious amounts of sex to not being able to have any at all thanks to their kids, but Sex Tape fails the smell test right out of the gate. I know we’re probably not supposed to think about how much sense a movie like this makes, but I can’t understand why the video would be uploaded for everyone to see unless they had been giving away secondhand iPads with their account still logged in on them. The culprit was supposedly some “powerful” app, but that doesn’t make sense either. And seriously, who gives away so many iPads as gifts? We’re supposed to believe that a family that doesn’t have $25,000 in their bank accounts would be giving away iPads to the mailman?
Anyway, even leaving these head scratchers aside, Sex Tape fails because it doesn’t achieve either of its aims — to be funny or titillating (well, at least, in the words of the great George Costanza, to make “it move”). Because of the sweet awkwardness of Segel, who I actually quite like, and the weirdness of Rob Lowe, who plays Cameron Diaz’s “boss”, there are actually a couple of fairly decent moments, though these are rare and have nothing to do with the film’s central idea (they could have come from any other movie). And they aren’t witty or clever jokes either — just really outrageous, stupid stuff good for a cheap laugh. The rest of the gags are generally lame or grossly exaggerated because they don’t have real punchlines. Nearly every time I thought a good joke might be forthcoming I ended up being let down.
I don’t know about you, but one look at Cameron Diaz makes me go completely flaccid (too much info?). Yeah, she’s got a good body, but she’s just so unsexy to me for some reason. As for the ladies (and guys on the other team), I don’t think anyone will put Segel in the heartthrob category despite well-intentioned his weight loss. Maybe it was intended to be a deliberately unsexy film, except we are told by those who have watched the sex tape that it’s hot stuff.
Apart from a dearth of laughs and sexiness, Sex Tape also suffers from a lack of common sense, coherence and tonal consistency. At times the film comes across as a series of unrelated skits, and the attempts at poignancy and giving meaning to the whole fiasco are cringeworthy. On the whole, it’s just a sloppy effort that did nothing to try and make the film any more than what one would expect from its gimmicky premise.
2 stars out of 5