Wentworth Miller, everyone’s favourite escaped convict, penned the script for the 2013 hit Stoker, a surprisingly atmospheric and eerie thriller starring Nicole Kidman, Mia Wasikowska and Matthew Goode. And so it seemed normal to expect that his sophomore writing effort, The Disappointments Room, wouldn’t be too shabby either.
Hory shet. Talk about a disappointment.
Bad supernatural horror movies are a dime a dozen these days, but The Disappointments Room is shocking because it should not have been this terrible given the names involved. Directed by DJ Caruso, who was at the helm of some pretty decent movies — Disturbia and Eagle Eye (we’ll forget about I Am Number Four) — the film features the archetypal horror premise of a young family moving into a big new house in the middle of nowhere for a “fresh start.”
Kate Beckinsale and Mel Raido play the couple, Dana and David, who have a five-year-old son named Lucas (Duncan Joiner). Shortly after moving in, Dana finds a secret room in the house (guess what it’s called?) and weird stuff starts happening to her. She has deadly visions or hallucinations that seem real and there’s a mystery behind it all she needs to solve. Of course, no one believes her. She’s mental!
When I first found out why the room is called a “disappointments room”, I still thought the film had potential. The concept was intriguing and creepy, but it didn’t take long for me to realise that it was just a cheap gimmick and an excuse to heap loads of horror cliches onto it.
Sadly, the film is almost completely devoid of scares. There’s just no build up of tension or atmosphere, and the characters are all poorly developed. It gets worse as it plods along and introduces a new handyman character played by Lucas Till, though his presence adds nothing to the plot and his part of the story is actually never resolved! In fact, the entire film just loses the plot in the third act and spirals into utter incoherency. By that stage, however, no one gave a shit.
The Disappointments Room has a spectacular rating on Rotten Tomatoes of 0%, and I can’t say I disagree with every critic included in the assessment. Just a real embarrassment for everyone involved.
1 star out of 5